I’ve been asked so many times why I didn’t stay in Europe as people here highly recommended me to look for a job in Italy. Most resoundingly, they ask, “Why do you want to stay in the Philippines?” I don’t exactly feel that I have to explain myself yet I felt compelled to write about it –- not to simply answer the questions, but also for my sanity. I have to write down the reasons why I decided to stay here -– mainly to settle for myself why I chose this path. This is to remind my future self about this conviction I hold true today, and probably to laugh at myself if eventually I learn that my decision is flawed and incorrect.
Living in a country very different from your place of origin is exciting. Everything is unique and different from your own -– the language, the weather and climate, the people and culture, the environment. Everything. You live with a life filled with discovery where surprise and wonder are daily regulars. With eyes and soul always hungry for new things, you never run out of fresh things to discover and learn. You will become amazed on how different your two worlds are –- and then be surprised on how much they are similar and connected. The worlds would seem similar at times, and too contrasting on another.
The excitement and the appeal of living abroad are all good in the beginning until the sense of adventure dies off. You realize that you have to fend for yourself –- that “living abroad” actually requires the act of “Living”. I don’t know if that makes sense but once the sense of realism hits, you will realize that it’s not all fun and games. The sense of adventure is equated with layers of discomfort and distress. Everything new and different requires a series of adjustments. After a couple of years of experiencing the life on that country, I had to ask myself how much more discomfort and stress do I need to take? How much longer do I need to adjust to live comfortably? At the end of it all, I had to ask myself: Is it all worth it?
Nearly the end of my “adventure”, I found the answer to my questions and finalized my decisions. To simply put, I felt that staying away is not worth it. As much as I am thankful to taste the European life, a life other people could only dream of, I realized that it is simply not a life for me. Everything seemed too unfamiliar and too uncomfortable that I just need a reset. I believe of things like “meant to be” and “built for something” and it felt that I am not meant to live there for so long, that I was built somewhere else –- back home.
Furthermore, being a firm believer of the cosmic design, I felt that there is a good reason why I am a Filipino, an architect, an urban planner -– among other things. My good Filipino friend in Milan, Philip, still aspires to settle back in the Philippines even though he has already migrated and settled in Italy. He believes that being born a Filipino must mean something. He has an urgency to contribute back to his homeland –- probably do some effort to make a difference. This idea contributed on my judgement to go back home to the Philippines. As cliché as it may sound, I decided to come back home “para sa bayan” [for my homeland].
Life in Milan is too different from that in Manila. For one, the comforts in Milan are absent in the Philippines; yet I still wish to go back home. Probably I am a masochist who wants to experience the problems of the Philippines again. Probably, deep within me, I want to go back to the traffic, the turmoil, the flooding, the discomfort of Manila. I want to learn first-hand about the politics, the red tape, the corruption of the local business climate. Probably I want to experience again the hardship of being a Filipino in the Philippines. And perhaps it would inspire me once again to fly to a different country. Probably. I don’t know. But before that, I would want to try to make a difference -– or influence people to make some for their country. I want to experience the Manila life once again for something to prompt me to want to make a difference. I want to try at least.
Lastly, I want to do things that I love and see how they could affect the world I am living in –- things that I’m sure I cannot do if I’m living abroad. If I am in a place where I can do what I love, I am with people whom I love, then that is home. So I decided to go back home.
Architecture Wander 